The Permabulk

It is almost the new year and you promised yourself to start cutting this year to gain the six-pack you always had dreamed off. However, the truth is you are on a permabulk. 

Don't freak out just now. Permabulking is something beautiful, steady growth of muscle mass and strength, if you train right; and you can eat what ever you want. Put aside the weird looks of your peers, because you gained 20lbs in four weeks; or the increased heart attack risk due to your completely insane intake of fatty foods and protein powder. 

But see for yourself, let's summarize advantages and disadvantages of permabulking.

Pros

• you can eat what you want
• increase in muscle size
• increase in strength
• bigger biceps = more sex

Cons

•  no six-pack

Anyway, let's be honest here, who needs a six-pack when you can have a keg?!

Biceps-ly Christmas

It is Christmas again and the next three days will be filled with love, joy, family, and cookies. You have been good all year and now you are waiting for your well deserved reward. 

But hold on! Santa looked over your wishlist and guess what ... body lotion, Beats by Dre, and the last season of Gilmore Girls were the wrong answer. 
You might want to ask "what was the question?" ... don't!
It's time for you to grow a pair and revise your wishlist for next year, so that in fact, you might be rewarded for 'dem Gainz'.
Below you can find a list of appropriate Christmas gifts:

• Dumbbells 
• Weightlifting Bench 
• Protein Powder
• Creatin and/or Anabolic Steroids
• Straight Razor 
• Whiskey

Biceps Weekly wishes you and your family biceps-ly Christmas. 

#AppreciationTuesday

Appreciation Tuesday is upon us and as the name goes it is time to 'ppreciate. People often ask me what appreciation Tuesday is. Being the inventor of this joyful day I am the right source for information. 

First the rules. Appreciation Tuesday is celebrated every Tuesday only exception is the Tuesday during the 17th calender week. You will appreciate everything and everyone, to do so, just say " 'ppreciate that" after a person or a thing has done or said something to you/for you. 
To increase the social impact of your appreciation you can also use the hashtag #AppreciationTuesday on any social media platform.   
"Why?" That is probably the question I get asked the most. Well, everyone likes to feel important and, yes, appreciated. Your mom, friends, teachers, nice caf ladies, etc. everyone who did or does something for you/society deserves to be treated well and to know that they are being appreciated. 
Our world has become a cold place in which affection and compassion have been lost in the admiration and striving for success and money. 
A nice " 'ppreciate that" goes a long way and can put a smile on someones face. 

Sunday Workout

It is Sunday one of the laziest day of the week, one could argue. You might be sitting on the couch asking yourself, if you should hit the gym or not. 

But guess what, neither your biceps, nor your chest will grow sitting around drinking MANG-O-RITAS and watching Fashion Queens ... 
Getting up and spending money you don't have on gas and expensive gym smoothies is not an option either, not on the holy day of the week. Therefore, we decided to provide you with a Lazy-Sunday-Couch workout. 

The Biceps
Grab the 24 pack of beer next to your couch (if there is non, go to the store get one. No one should be sober on Sundays) and start doing 5 sets of 21's each arm. While doing so keep drinking, the box might get emptier, but surely not lighter. 
Super-set each set with 15 to 20 seconds of flexing, preferably use the reflection in your TV to keep spirits high. This static exercise will help you reach the ultimate pump. 

The Chest
Grab the empty beer cans with both hands, one on top, one on the bottom; now press with maximum force. Try to crush the can. This exercise will give you a great pump. 
If you want to, super-set with eight bitch-slaps. Grab your child or wife and slap from bottom right across with a wide swing to the top left. Change arms and perform vice versa.
It is important to use your whole core and finish with a tight squeeze in the chest. 

If done right, this workout lasts between 20 and 25 minutes and gives you guaranteed physical and emotional satisfaction.

The Mirror Effect

As explained in previous post, the pump is what gives an individual motivation to workout in the gym day in day out. But what is a pump good for, if you cannot see it? Hence, mirrors are a must have in every gym to admire one's physique or the lack of thereof. 

Second set of barbell biceps curls, with 135lbs, an intense look into the mirror and there it is, in all its beauty, the pump. Suddenly, the weights seem to become a lot lighter, 25% lighter, to be exact. 
This effect has been described by Russian scientists as the "Anti-Gravity-Mirror Effect". 
Already, in the 1950's, when it became first necessary to measure Russia's strength on the world stage, it was hypothesized that the reflection of oneself, preferably by a mirror, increases strength by 15% - 30%.
Since then, gym mirrors have become a must for every gym around the world. 
The "Anti-Gravity-Mirror Effect" is a psychological effect that leads the brain to believe, that the muscle, due to the size increase, is stronger than it actually is. This positive feedback loop activates more muscle cells, which in turn increase strength through increased intra- and inter-muscular coordination. 
So next time you work out in a dark corner with a t-shirt on, remember, your pump is not only your motivation but the driving force for any improvement in the gym. 
Now go ahead, rip that t-shirt off, and stand in a mirror room for your next set of curls.  

3 Reasons Why You Should Skip Leg-Day

It is this time of the week again, it is leg-day. You have been dreading this moment for the past couple of days and you would rather continue doing a max out bench or dumbbell flyes, but your consciousness, coach, girlfriend, or mom tells you that there is more to your body than your chest and your arms. Here are three compelling reasons why they are wrong and you should skip leg day.

Four days to a week before leg-day, your anxiety level shoots through the roof. You have been procrastinating this day for too long; every time you went to the gym to complete a grueling 3 hour lower body program "you haven't eaten right" or "you had stomach cramps from your menstruation cycle (even though you are a guy...)". 

The Anxiety
We all know it is time, you know it, your mom knows it, and your quads do, too. Your stress level raises ... and we all know stress is not good for you. Research has shown that stress causes diseases among them cancer, terrorism, and republicanism. Stop worrying buddy, it is not worth it. 
Further, this quote tells you to move on ... and who could possibly deny the truth of a brainy quote!?

"Every day is a new day, and you'll never be able to

 find happiness if you don't move on." 

                       -Carrie Underwood

Where is the Pump?
Let's assume you have managed to walk buy the bench and the dumbbell rack and you actually started with your leg workout. After your first max set of 135lbs squats you look in the mirror and reality hits you, there is no pump. 
Legs do not have the anatomical predisposition to get a pump. But let's be honest here, the pump is the only reasons you go in the gym day in and day out. Put aside all those empty promises of looking better and living healthier, which if true, you destroy anyway by feeding yourself with McDonald's and Jack Daniels 7 times a week. 
The pump, the short feeling of being the size of a mountain and to have the strength of Superman, is what you need to escape your empty life of liver destroying supplements and your low-self esteem complex. Hence, there is no reason to torture yourself with a leg workout, who is working for long-term results anyway. Go and do biceps!   

You cannot see legs in the club anyway
Why do we go to the gym? Besides the pump of course ... right to look good in the club. 
If you have ever been to a club (and you should not read this blog, if you have not) you might have noticed, that everybody wears long pants and that you normally cannot see anything below the waistline, besides those fancy new $2,735 Rick Owens sneakers you acquired yesterday with your credit card. 
Anyway, $3000 more or less on top of the $200,000 educational debt pile you have buried deep in your consciousness do not matter. 
Plus, a girl that is sober enough to notice your tiny calves and quads is not going with you in the first place, so why bother. Hop on the bench and give me ten with 225!

Leg Muscle Atrophy Virus Spreads Through US

A recently discovered virus spreads dangerously fast through the US. The virus with the medical notation A/OrangeCounty/0914(H3N7), has been first isolated in Orange County California, by two researchers of the California State University, just last week Wednesday. Almost 50% of the general gym rat population is affected already.

The symptoms have be found to be disturbing, the upper body is subject to extreme changes, so called “gains”, however, the legs of the persons infected seem not to get any of “dem gains”. Additionally, victims are often subject to mental confusion, showing in the moderate to extreme use of terms such as “Skip leg day” and “Every day is chest day.”

Sarah P. a mother’s victim was shocked when she found her son was affected by the virus. As she told Biceps Weekly : “I would have never thought, that this will affect our family, we are so much better than everyone else. We just don't deserve this. My son Trig looks nasty and disturbing.

There is an ongoing effort to stop the epidemic. A research team has been established, consisting of physicians, chemists, biologists, and health care officials, from throughout the US. In a first official statement the team announced yesterday: “It is yet to be confirmed, but we believe that the Virus is transmitted through the very popular, so called, “bench press” and “biceps curl” exercise. Hence, we would recommend everyone to avoid those exercises for now.”

Further, the US government has decided to shift enormous funds, in total a sum of $150 billion, from education, child support, and infrastructure towards the effective fight against this threat.

As president Barack Obama explains in an official statement: “This is a threat we have to fight back with all resources available, however, decreasing the ridiculous high military budget is not an option, but our children can and will bear the burden of this fight and it will make them stronger and eventually, more American.”

Sgt. Maj. of the Army Raymond F. Chandler III said in an interview with the Biceps Weekly: “It is time to fight back this threat of terror, that tries to destroy us from within, if that means that we have to spy on all our citizen, take all their constitutional rights and or imprison half of them, we shall not hesitate to do so.”

Biceps Weekly recommends to skip leg day, who needs legs anyway. And yes, every day is chest day. THANKS, OBAMA.