Leg Muscle Atrophy Virus Spreads Through US

A recently discovered virus spreads dangerously fast through the US. The virus with the medical notation A/OrangeCounty/0914(H3N7), has been first isolated in Orange County California, by two researchers of the California State University, just last week Wednesday. Almost 50% of the general gym rat population is affected already.

The symptoms have be found to be disturbing, the upper body is subject to extreme changes, so called “gains”, however, the legs of the persons infected seem not to get any of “dem gains”. Additionally, victims are often subject to mental confusion, showing in the moderate to extreme use of terms such as “Skip leg day” and “Every day is chest day.”

Sarah P. a mother’s victim was shocked when she found her son was affected by the virus. As she told Biceps Weekly : “I would have never thought, that this will affect our family, we are so much better than everyone else. We just don't deserve this. My son Trig looks nasty and disturbing.

There is an ongoing effort to stop the epidemic. A research team has been established, consisting of physicians, chemists, biologists, and health care officials, from throughout the US. In a first official statement the team announced yesterday: “It is yet to be confirmed, but we believe that the Virus is transmitted through the very popular, so called, “bench press” and “biceps curl” exercise. Hence, we would recommend everyone to avoid those exercises for now.”

Further, the US government has decided to shift enormous funds, in total a sum of $150 billion, from education, child support, and infrastructure towards the effective fight against this threat.

As president Barack Obama explains in an official statement: “This is a threat we have to fight back with all resources available, however, decreasing the ridiculous high military budget is not an option, but our children can and will bear the burden of this fight and it will make them stronger and eventually, more American.”

Sgt. Maj. of the Army Raymond F. Chandler III said in an interview with the Biceps Weekly: “It is time to fight back this threat of terror, that tries to destroy us from within, if that means that we have to spy on all our citizen, take all their constitutional rights and or imprison half of them, we shall not hesitate to do so.”

Biceps Weekly recommends to skip leg day, who needs legs anyway. And yes, every day is chest day. THANKS, OBAMA.